It can only be what it is...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Be the peace

Last year around this time of year my stress was at an all time high, work was adding pressure, home life was topsy-turvy and I had let all of this get to me and in a fit of rage unleashed a straight punch with the heel of my palm into an unsuspecting car window. Much to my surprise it shattered on impact as if I had thrown a brick into the window. My daughter was beside me at the time and my biggest regret was that she witnessed that ugly display of my anger. I shall never forget the look of fear and shock and terror that was on her face.

Two days later while surfing on the internet I stumbled upon the blog of Dr.Wayne Dyer and a posting of his called Be the peace. 

The timing was fortuitous in the least. His theory in short was that living a peaceful life is not so much based on your surroundings but more from the inside out, in that you don't need to change your thoughts, or try to reject them but by being peaceful you'll attract more serene thoughts, and beings. Sounds a little new -agey  but still I endeavored to put this into practice.
One year later I can say that it does work. Not always easy but it does change other people's attitudes in your immediate entourage. Work has become less of a battle, the home front as well and I am laughing instead of scowling.
A quote from John Maynard Keynes
'' The difficulty arises not in new ideas , but in escaping old ones.''
I find this to be particularly true, growing up was not easy in a household where you learned how to block and defend yourself before anything else. Those lessons are hardwired and take a lot of time to undo.
The secret to all of this is that you cannot get this peace from anyone, or anything else , you just have to be that peace.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Poem by Ajahn Chah

Do not try to become anything.
Do not make yourself into anything.
Do not be a meditator.
Do not become enlightened.
When you sit, let it be.
When you walk, let it be.
Grasp at nothing.
Resist nothing.
If you haven't wept deeply, you haven't begun to meditate.

By Ajahn Chah

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Fear raises it's head again

In January, in our household we have a major upheaval for about one week. After being on a waiting list for roughly five years we are adapting our home for our youngest daughter who has Angelman Syndrome. What that diagnosis means is that she is in a wheel chair , she has frequent epileptic seizures and her motor and developmental skills are way behind. All that being said , things are good. She is making progress in her school, can walk in a walker and her motor skills have improved drastically.
Where does the fear come in you say ?
My oldest daughter who has gone from wanting to be her sister's nurse to not wanting anything to do wither her and on occasion refers to herself as an only child can be really quite dramatic.
She rebelled today at the whole construction project on the basis that it will interfere with her sleep patterns. Due to the nature of the project we will not be sleeping at home during the construction and her fear of change, fear of having to explain her sister to schoolmates and teachers why and what is going on, came out in a huge explosion of fear and anger. Suffice it to say not one of her proudest moments. Then came the mandatory hand wringing and martyrdom reminiscent of  Joan of Arc once she really saw how she was behaving.
Redeeming factor in all of this , I never lost my cool with her today, didn't raise my voice, make things worse, just stayed the course and all worked out in the end. Maybe one day she'll get it, and imitate me as I am now rather than the angry guy I used to be.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Just Being

It seems that we all have an issue with just being. Of letting go, and just being. We are brought up to feel that there has to be a point, a goal, something to strive for.
There should be just practice, no goal, no desire and really no searching for satori , kensho or anything else.
As soon as that happens , we take our eye off the ball so to speak and I feel that the game is lost at that point.
Easier said than done, I admit-but that seems to be the point.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

You don't have to be crazy to live here ...but it helps

Have you ever had one of those days where your family kinda drives you nuts. I keep thinking about Ozzy Osbourne and a sound bite I had heard, where he said '' I love you all but you drive me mad !''.
Definitely one of those days...