It can only be what it is...



Saturday, April 9, 2011

Dealing with negativity

I am having a hard time dealing with negativity lately. It's not that it's new or anything. I have been surrounded by it for most of my life.
As a young lad I lost my mother to an aneurysm ( I was four at the time) and I remember it vividly to this day. My father never recovered from it and I was forced into a father/brother relationship with my then six month old brother as my Dad tried to hold things together.  My brother only being six month's old had plenty of families willing to take him into their home and even adopt him if my father was willing. I on the other hand was not so desirable. Rather precocious as a four year old, already reading and writing, I was all too capable of telling others that they were not my mother, with a few choice adjectives to be sure.
I remember conversations that my Dad had in the kitchen with a family that was all too eager to take my brother, and my Dad not wanting brothers to be separated said what about the older one ?
They did try to be polite, but I could see through the facade even at my then young age. I wasn't wanted- much to opiniated and well I would be disruptive, but my brother on the other hand , too young to remember, not angry like the older one...
In the end we all stayed together and a live in nanny was eventually hired. For better or for worse.
Fast forward to today and and try as I might to be positive when I am confronted with someone else's negativity it stirs up old default positions in me .
There are times that I can't decide whether I am more angry that they are still there,(the negative defaults) or that it still bothers me that they are there.

Either way this is my focus lately to finally try and find a way to acknowledge them and not allow them to dictate my actions. When I read this lately in the Tao teh Ching- it struck a chord.

The softest of all things,
Overrides the hardest of things
Only nothing can enter into no-space
Hence I know tha advantages of non-ado
Few things under heaven are as instructive as the lessons of Silence,
Or as beneficial as the fruits of non-ado
Verse 43-Tao Teh Ching

4 comments:

  1. Reading, and thinking of you. Lovely verse. :-) x

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  2. Thanks for being open...you are on the right track. Just acknowledge negativities existence by embracing it. When you struggle with it you feed it. Just watch...healing happens naturally like grass growing...without much ado. Hands palm to palm.

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  3. I don't quite get the verse but am happy to see you dealing with past. You need to acknowledge the hurt to be able to let it go.

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