It can only be what it is...

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Barn in the sun

Mother's Day

In recent years, Mother's Day is a little more difficult for me than in years past.
My Mother left her body many years ago when I was just four years old.
I find that as I get older and as a parent myself I really do miss the relationship that only lasted four short years.
Today I found out that my stepmother is now in the hospital having emergency hip surgery and maybe facing dementia all at the same time.
In speaking with my Dad, he seems a bit like " a deer caught in the headlights". Understandably so, and yet when I reached out to him and offered my help and support I sensed a reluctance on his part to accept it.
Will he call for help ? Probably not that's not what my Dad does, and yet I was sort of hoping for him to accept my offer and let me know what I can do.
Ironically to me my first reaction to my Dad was a little bit of anger. Why does he have to be so stubborn, why can't he just accept my help. Somehow it became all about me.
After reflecting a little I think that I grieve the relationship with my Mother that never was,  the relationship with my Dad that became what it is and there is still the dutiful son within me that wants my Dad's approval.
Complicated stuff and yet it really is simple isn't it.
It can only be what it is.